I was reading the TV Tropes character page for Borderlands and I was reading about one of the bosses from the first game and
THIS IS THE BEST THING I HAVE SEEN TODAY AND EVERYBODY WHO’S INTERESTED IN MY ANDREA BLOG SHOULD FOLLOW THIS
THIS IS FUCKING GLORIOUS
It was SO CHEAP. Also buying a first-person game with precision shooting mechanics for a console is bad and you should feel bad.
I don’t give a shit how much more precise people say PC controls are, I’m more comfortable with console games and I hate how everyone thinks that me being more of a console gamer is an open invitation to tell me how wrong I am for my preference.
I also don’t give a shit if you’re joking or serious. I get this enough that it irritates me.
LESLEY YOU FOOL
“Hey, teleport to me. And get ready to swim.” Those were the words Midori spoke upon my logging into our server, which had been down for two days.
I warped to her, wondering what she had in store. I splashed in the shallow water of the harbor next to my green friend, who’d been working on a seawall at the harbor of our latest project; a city meant to hold 720 homes. A small boat bobbed lazily alongside us under the harsh noonday sun.
“Here, sit in this boat and look at the wall. Let me know if there’s anything I should change.” She gestured to the boat, which I gladly boarded. Shielding my eyes from the sun’s glare, I squinted, peering at the wall.
“Is there any part I should extend or anything?” Midori asked. I frowned, examining the wall, not quite sure what was wrong with it. But something was off, and it gnawed at my very soul, tormenting me.
Finally, it clicked.
“You fool.” I snarled. “How could you do that?”
“What? What’s the problem?”
I sped as quickly as I could toward the wall in my puny boat. Finally, I smacked into the harbor wall, angrily slapping my hand against the cold, smooth stone. “The wall! The pattern, it goes three, three, two, three! TWO! It’s uneven!”
Midori stared at me, unsure how to react to my sudden hostility.
“Fuck this,” I said bitterly, turning my boat slowly in the shallows, feeling its bottom stick in the mud. “I’m out of here. I’m riding off into the fucking sunset.” My boat picked up speed quickly, and soon I was out of sight of the island. I could hear Midori’s voice echoing across the water, pleading with me to come back.
Sighing with resignation, I rotated again, heading back to the harbor. I saw her at the base of the wall, standing waist-deep in seawater. I could feel my brows furrowing in thought, and I could think of one thing, and one thing only:
“I am going to ram her into that motherfucking uneven wall.”
I approached her rapidly in my tiny boat, and she was completely unsuspecting. But…she was moving away, towards land. No, I thought, Don’t get out of the water, don’t—
And as her feet touched upon the grass, I released a mighty shout that the gods themselves would have heard:
My boat crashed into the wall, and I was surrounded by the horrible cracking sound of breaking wood. I watched as my vessel splintered to pieces around me, and I fell into the water and muck below me, silently cursing that damned green bean, swearing to one day have my vengeance.
I had to reblog my wonderful, overly-dramatic interpretation of some events in Minecraft.
I’m a wonderful person.
acceptable pet names:
- cutie pie
unacceptable pet names:
- boo boo sweetie oojy woojy poogy poo
- sweet devil prince in the pale moon light
- 2% milk
- Ella Fitzgerald
damn it i love it when my girl calls me ella fitzgerald
LESLIE YOU FOOL
I hate everything on the “acceptable pet names” list and have told Kage not to call me any of them.
So instead he calls me his Squishy Platypus. I call him my Space Cactus.
What’re you doing telling me that? Pyra’s the one with the waving beach boner. THAT FOOL.
Client: Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here are some 500x300px blurry photos, 72dpi, so make a poster with them, tabloid size, maybe?
You’re the leader of a professional and artistic organization… you should have payed a professional photographer already to take some decent pictures of your events…!
I am speechless. Seriously? Seriously? We artists ain’t magic, y’know.